I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
