I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
