I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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