You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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