4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
