I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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