Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
