the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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