well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
