i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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