What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
