We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
