Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
