You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
