literally had 100 drinks last night.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
