Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
