My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize