you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
