i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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