I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
