once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
