His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
