Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
