All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
