I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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