and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
