Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
