You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize