i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
