My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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