is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
