Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
