i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize