ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
