i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
