I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
