Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize