so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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