wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
