They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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