ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
