Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's always time for handjobs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
