when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
