I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
