so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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