I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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