Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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