i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
