Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
