im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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