Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
