well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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