Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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