quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
