I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize