dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
