i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
