It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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