so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
