Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
