i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
