you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drake has all the answers
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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