Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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