i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
