the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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