Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the high leading the old right now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
