The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
