I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
