So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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