I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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