We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
