well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
