k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
