Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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