i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize