if you like me you must not know who I am
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
